Do you think its easy being me? Do you think that its easy putting on the act that I do everyday? I smile when all I want is cry, laugh when all I want is die. I want to tell everyone how my world fall apart each night when I am lying in bed with tears in my eyes, pleading for an easier life. I want to let everyone know what its like to be like me, pretending to be happy, pretending to be myself. If it was up to me, I wouldn't be pretending, I would be actually happy. Too bad its not.

I'm sorry I'm ALWAYS injured. I'm sorry I'm a burden in this team. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I'm not like the old sinping. I can't run fast, I can't contribute to the team anymore. But I'm trying to improve, trying to be that girl who can still run, and help the team. But honestly, I can't do it with you demoralizing me all the time, after every match. I know you meant well, but those words are... so hurting. You told me you want attendance, and yes, I tried to make it to every training, I even skipped my extra lessons. And thn you told me you want improvement, so I train more, more than others. What more can I do? I'm doing my best already, but what went wrong? I don't understand. Do you know why I'm always feeling reluctant to go for training? Its because of you. Whenever I go to training, you would only either scold me or ignore me. I'm like transparent...? I hate it. I feel so lousy all the time. I feel like I can't even be compared to a junior. And I hate feeling this way. You make me feel so useless. You make me feel like, my best is never ever gonna be enough. I'm sorry I'm such disappointment, I'm sorry for being so lousy.