Losing faith in myself.

“I just want us both to smile”

Sunday, May 6, 2012 || 10:59 AM

how to win my heart:

When a guy is straight up with me.
Walk with me to places I have never been before.
Listen to my rants. Just be quiet, I just want to release some tension.
Write me a letter.
Make me feel important in your life.
Just be there for me and let me share memories with you.
Do not take me for granted.
Give me your time.
If we are fighting, fight for me to stay, give me a reason to stay.
Talk to me about anything and everything.
Remember even the smallest details about me.
Doing the simplest things for me, makes me the happiest.
Make stupid, pointless videos/pictures with me.
Take me on adventures I’ve never been on before.
Cook weird foods with me.
Help me get through all the levels of Mario.
Trust me by either telling me your secrets or crazy ass stories.
You’re not afraid to be yourself.
Honesty. I value this a lot. I hate it when people lie to me. If I ever find out that someone has lied to me I will never look at them the same.
I absolutely love conversations that jump around from one random topic to another. If you can do this seamlessly without any trouble then you have my heart.
Take me as I am, flaws and all and you have won my heart.
Play with my hair.
Cuddle with me.
Have patience with me. I know I’m easily wound up and become frustrated quickly, but ideally you would be the person that could calm me down instantly.
Tackling. I love play fights and wrestling.
Sing to me. I don’t care how crappy you sound, I want to hear you sing. I like it when people sing me pretty songs to sleep. Playing an instrument is a bonus.
Get along with my family and friends. My family and friends mean the world to me so he has to get along with them.
Surprises!
Being a gentleman; come to the door to pick me up and meet my dad, then walk me to my door at the end of the night. Hold open doors, be respectful, not just to me but to everyone.
Teasing. Don’t take everything so seriously, I joke about everything. Being able to keep up with witty comments and getting my sense of humor go a long way.
When your actions speak louder than words; you can say whatever you want, but when you can prove it and back it up that means alot to me. Because you can tell people whatever they want to hear, but you can’t always show them if you don’t believe it yourself.

-Ripped from tumblr. :)

|| 10:43 AM

Have you ever felt like you're really on the verge on crying, you feel so empty in the stomach, a little chill surrounds you with the goosebumps, you bite onto your lips, you try not to speak because you know another word will cause those tears to start forming within the white corners of your eyes... and you'll be like, "not now, please. don't cry now, keep on smiling. don't think about it. some people are not worth it." But you just couldn't help it but to let those tears run down your cheeks. It hurts.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012 || 10:16 PM

I always try to convince myself that I'm over you. I tell myself that there is no more love left in my heart. The thing is often sometimes, the more someone tries to convince themselves, the more they will realize how much they still and always will love that person that they are trying to forget.. Of course I will meet new people and fall in love again. Of course I'll hate you sometimes and seek new ways to hurt you. But there's always a history between us that won't let me forget you no matter how much it hurts. :( So many memories, so many inside jokes, so many stupid fights. Everything crazy seems to happen when I'm with you. /:

Monday, April 30, 2012 || 9:47 AM

Do you think its easy being me? Do you think that its easy putting on the act that I do everyday? I smile when all I want is cry, laugh when all I want is die. I want to tell everyone how my worlds apart each night when I am lying in bed with tears in my eyes, pleading for a easier life. I want to let everyone know that what its like to be like me, pretending to be happy, pretending to be myself. If it was up to me, I wouldn't be pretending, I would be actually happy. Too bad its not.

Sunday, April 22, 2012 || 2:08 AM

Updating as I'm rotting at home. Waiting for time to past. :) Going to skcc later on with niki and friends. And william, and yanzhang. :) Been so freaking long since I last ball @ skcc. :) Hehe. CCA finally stepped down, don't have to see coach anymore. Haha, yayyyyyyy! Dam happy. :D Exams in like less than 2 weeks time. Ohgeez, stressed. Haven't even started studying. Sure gonna fail again lah. >: Have a lot catching up to do for all my subjects. Especially combine humans and combine science. >< Have to start studying soon ah. /: Woah, time past fast. Gonna end here. :) Heading out soon. ^^

Thursday, April 19, 2012 || 1:47 AM

I'm sorry I'm ALWAYS injured. I'm sorry I'm a burden in this team. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I'm not like the old sinping. I can't run fast, I can't contribute to the team anymore. But I'm trying to improve, trying to be that sinping who can run fast, and help the team. But coach, I can't do it with you demoralizing me all the time, after every match. I know you meant well, but those words are... so hurting. You told me you want attendance, and yes, I tried to make it to every training, I even skipped my extra lessons. And thn you told me you want improvement, so I train more, more than others. What more can I do? I'm doing my best already, but what went wrong? I don't understand. Do you know why I'm always feeling reluctant to go for training? Its because of you coach. Whenever I go to training, you would only either scold me or ignore me. I'm like transparent. I hate it. I feel so lousy all the time. I feel like I can't even be compared to a junior. And I hate feeling this way. You make me feel so useless. You make me feel like, my best is never ever gonna be enough. I'm sorry I'm such disappointment, I'm sorry for being so lousy.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 || 1:00 AM

I hate coach. kthxbye.

Monday, April 16, 2012 || 8:37 AM

- Just a fraction of your love is enough.

Helluh everybodeh. ^^ Today was the jumpshot finals. :) Well, we lost.. But it was a good fight. :) I believe we've done well, buttttttt, we could have done better. Okay whatever. It's over already. Hehe, so we got secondddd! Yayyyy! Second is actually enough already, isn't it? :) Idk why certain people expectation so highhhhhhh~ Heh. After our match, boys match. Canberra against Kranji. Supported Canberra as the #7 is so cute. HAHA. SERIOUSLY OMG. Damn, he's effing accurate, and also effing cute. :p He scored a lot of 3 points siah. How I wish that's me~ Heh. Did quite a number of turnover today. Coach not happy. And only played half a quarter. -_- Whatever uh, now not like the past already~ Just another bench player. :) Idc anyway. :> Ms Sem is so happy to hear that I'm back to basketball. Had been skipping trainings and matches for the previous few weeks. :p But she doesn't know about me not being allowed to do sports for 3 months.~ Took photos with the Canberra boys. HAHA, so cool. And one of the bedokview random boy. ._. It was so sudden. Haha. Today was cool. Had fun with my teammates and I love them. <3 Prize presentation on Wednesday. Mafan, still need to bring back the geylang serai's medal. Alrgh. Nights, gonna end here. Getting sleepy. :)