Happy Birthday Dearest. :')

Helloooooo ILSQ. Happy Birthday! :) Hehe. Thankyou for always being there by my side, cheering me up and making me laugh like mad. You're just like a family, a sister to me. :') Hehe. You really took up a big role in my life man. :') You're sometimes a sister, sometimes a a bestfriend and sometimes a clown. HAHAHA.
She was the most awesome friend ever. Haha. Motivating me to study, do my work and everything else. :') But.... She can be so damn fucking annoying at times that I feel like giving her one tight slap. xD
Hehe, and even though sometimes we get irritated, annoyed and disagrees with each other,  we never falls out. And that's true  friendship. :) She was the one who stayed with my through thick and thins , when no one else was there, when I couldn't find anybody that said they will be there for me. She sometimes can read my mind, and that's really shocking. She's really a great friend that one could ever wish for.
Once again, Happy 15th bitch. :') Stay happy and short alright LinXiaoGou. :')

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.9

OhNineOhEight .

Spent my national day with awesome peoples ! :) Met Shafiq in the afternoon and went Cine. :) Went for movie , greedy ghost in the afternoon with Shafiq, Stanley, Issac, WeiHao, Hanjie, William and JiaQing :) The movie wasn't bad , average :) Hahaha, poor shafiq sat beside me. Have to tolerate my ghostly laughter and my sharp voice. After that went down to wait for weihao and friends to finish smoking and walked back to somerset . They told me going mbs, thn later say wanna go vivo, thn say wanna back punggol. So I got so pissed that I didn't talk to anyone. So I went off with Shafiq as his going to meet Mel and friends . Went mbs to find them , stanley and friends went to Vivo if I'm not wrong :) Went there and the fireworks is over :( So we walked around, go slack. Walked for so long that my leg almost broke. If Shafiq wasn't there I would have went home long ago man. Heh, mahjong @ idk whose house after that . Khup with WeiHan and lost a few bucks. Was supposed to go jy house to slack but the mahjong ended too late. So gave it a miss. :) Cabbed home at 7 plus, I think. :)

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

L i f e .

Life...? HAHAHA. What can I say about it? All I really know about life is that it was NEVER fair, and I don't understand why. People said, be positive, and everything would be okay. But do they know what I've been through? Have they ever walked in my shoes? They don't understand how it feels, to have so many fucking problems piling up at a time. I got so fucking sick of all these problems that I'm getting speechless. All I feel is pain. Yes, really just pain. Pain have totally conquered me. It took over all my emotion. I feel pain even when I smile, or even when I laugh. Crap much? Pain, pain and still pain. I really wanna know how it feels like to be happy.. really really happy.. Some people told me, destroy what destroys you . So that the pain would stop . But often the problems is I'll end up destroying myself . It was my mind thats destroying me , and if I were to destroy the thing that destroys me, I'll end up destroying myself. Somehow I'll end up destroyed in anyway.. But sometimes it really sound like a great idea to die.. Someday when there is nothing left for me to hold on, I'll probably just end this shitty life. I don't even think that people would realise that I'm gone . Because no one will give a damn about me. They don't care. Nobody would ever care. They are just curious. Everybody is just curious about what happened, they don't care. Nobody will ever care about what's happening in my life. And I have to accept the fact that at the end of the day, I'm gonna be on my own. Because people come and go. They come into my life and leave the moment they have enough fun. Nobody have ever thought of how I'll feel.. they don't know how much it hurts , to have people going in and out of your life , all the time, as and when they like it . They come into my life, and make it seem as if they are gonna stay for long. So when I finally start to get used to having them in my life, they decides to leave. This hurts. Many people would say, "it's okay" "you're gonna be fine after a sleep" but it's not. It's not okay, and I'm not gonna be fine. They just don't fucking understand it . Of course they think they do understand, but... owell ~

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Replacement ?

It feels like everybody is taking me as a replacement . Yeah , really everybody, every single person in this world .. it feels so sickening , waking up every morning and having to accept the fact that I'm not important , having to accept the fact that I will never be good enough .. This kind of feeling really suck , a lot . I really hope that things would change. I want to change my life. No words could describe how much I hate this shitty life of mine . Yeah, I know life is supposed to be full of challenges, but ain't those challenges supposed to make me stronger than before ? But why do I feel like as if it's breaking down bit by bit ? I became someone different . Yknow, i used to be so strong. Really. But now ? Things really changed . And I miss being me . I miss being happy. I miss the past. I have no stress then. No problems, nothing to worry about. Hundreds and thousands of problems now, and it's killing me. Isn't it too much for a fifteen years old? If it's a process of growing up, thn forget it. I don't wanna grow up anymore..

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

The past seemed so perfect .

Decided to post a very random post because I really really miss this girl so much.

KellyPehJiaYu, yeah my friendsforever. I met her through basketball . I'm so glad I came into Sengkang because I got to met her . :') She was the one who made life in sengkang so wonderful. :') She's the one that could really make me laugh like mad. We used to be so close , but things changed. We drifted, and now she's gone. I really miss those days were we go out for lunch together and stuffs. It would always be a disaster as we would laugh anywhere, anytime, even in the quietest place. Public nuisance , yes the both of us. Hah. Amazing how things change huh ? Really miss those old days. Recess together, gossiping together, crying and laughing together too. I miss SYF times. We were arranged to sit together , and yeah , there was never a day where I fail to laugh because she's always beside me .
We play games and laugh secretly to each other when others is trying to be serious . We crap and do stupid things all the time . Breakfast together at VariNice when we're both late for school , singing random songs together at the same time and also playing lame and stupid games together. We'd always laugh when either of us fall . We always get scolded during training for not being serious, but neither of us give a damn to coach. Our first reaction: laugh.. and do a few pumping to entertain coach.
I really miss those days. Wish I have a time machine.

One step closer .

I really really really hate the life I'm living now. Seriously. My happiness is like a curse to others . When I'm happy, all my friends is upset. I don't know why the fuck izit this way, I just feel so....fuck up? Why izit that when something good finally happened to me, something bad would happen to my friends? Izit a hint showing me, telling me that , my smile and laughter is a curse ? Yeah, of course certain people would say that I think too much.. but I'm not. This happened more than once. People would say that I'm paranoid, and others.. But they all never thought of how it'll feels like to be me, to be in this kind of fuck up situation .. They would think that they understand, but they don't...really..

In another life, I would make you stay.

A lot of things changed recently. Nothing is going the way I want it to, problems after problems, all my problems piling up. Been rather confused with myself recently. Dont know what the fuck is wrong with me.. Got my feelings all mixed up. Feeling damn fuck up, no joke . Clique falling apart, people leaving, friends changing... Why izit always the same shit that happens to me? Even the only person that really understand me well changed.. She totally changed into someone i don't know anymore . Maybe it's me that doesn't truly know her from the start uh.. Ugh. Been so long since I feel so fuckedup. Why must things change just when I finally thought that my life is gonna change , and become slightly better? Really sick of every single thing that's happening in my life. I hope someday, someone would just come along and bring me away from all these misery. I really had enough of this ridiculous life of mine. Feel so fuckedup and lost.. confused.. Have you ever felt like everything is meaningless and you don't feel like living anymore? Have you ever feel that if you told someone how you truly feel, they will ignore you, start avoiding you and ending up as stranger? Have you ever felt that fear? Or or maybe if you just be yourself, just being you, people will think that you're not good enough? This is how I'm feeling everyday. Fuck this shit. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. This feeling is killing me. I wish I know how to make it go away..

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Cause when a heart break, no it don't breakeven.

Hihiiiiiii :D Out with IrisLin to town and vivooooo!! Had fun, shall let the pictures do the talking. Byeeeeee ^^

When I look at you..

LongYingJieeee , <3 Back to those old days, iloveher ! :)

Travelling became so much easier when you're with those friends with bikes, isnt it? :)

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Have you ever felt like you're really on the verge on crying, you feel so empty in the stomach, a little chill surrounds you with the goosebumps, you bite onto your lips, you try not to speak because you know another word will cause those tears to start forming within the white corners of your eyes... and you'll be like, "not now, please. don't cry now, keep on smiling. don't think about it. some people are not worth it." But you just couldn't help it but to let those tears run down your cheeks. It hurts.

I always try to convince myself that I'm over you. I tell myself that there is no more love left in my heart. The thing is often sometimes, the more someone tries to convince themselves, the more they will realize how much they still and always will love that person that they are trying to forget.. Of course I will meet new people and fall in love again. Of course I'll hate you sometimes and seek new ways to hurt you. But there's always a history between us that won't let me forget you no matter how much it hurts. :( So many memories, so many inside jokes, so many stupid fights. Everything crazy seems to happen when I'm with you. /:

Do you think its easy being me? Do you think that its easy putting on the act that I do everyday? I smile when all I want is cry, laugh when all I want is die. I want to tell everyone how my world fall apart each night when I am lying in bed with tears in my eyes, pleading for an easier life. I want to let everyone know what its like to be like me, pretending to be happy, pretending to be myself. If it was up to me, I wouldn't be pretending, I would be actually happy. Too bad its not.

I'm sorry I'm ALWAYS injured. I'm sorry I'm a burden in this team. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I'm not like the old sinping. I can't run fast, I can't contribute to the team anymore. But I'm trying to improve, trying to be that girl who can still run, and help the team. But honestly, I can't do it with you demoralizing me all the time, after every match. I know you meant well, but those words are... so hurting. You told me you want attendance, and yes, I tried to make it to every training, I even skipped my extra lessons. And thn you told me you want improvement, so I train more, more than others. What more can I do? I'm doing my best already, but what went wrong? I don't understand. Do you know why I'm always feeling reluctant to go for training? Its because of you. Whenever I go to training, you would only either scold me or ignore me. I'm like transparent...? I hate it. I feel so lousy all the time. I feel like I can't even be compared to a junior. And I hate feeling this way. You make me feel so useless. You make me feel like, my best is never ever gonna be enough. I'm sorry I'm such disappointment, I'm sorry for being so lousy.

You know, that bus stop reminds me of you. ): It reminds me of the past, how close we was in the past. And look at we now? We don't even talk. Pathetic much eh? I remembered that day, on my birthday. I was having a moodswing and I really don't wanna talk to you. I just wanna distance myself from you and yet you kept on talking to me, trying to make me laugh and also trying to find out what happened. I got pissed off and don't feel like talking more. But you just somehow managed to make me smile with your craps. (': I doubt you remember times like this.. But I do, I remember every single moment spent with you. (': That bus stop, reminds me of everything. All the good memories, and the bad one. ): All those fun times we had. That day when we went to take neoprints.... (': The first time we listened to that song... /: Ohwell, I really miss you. I miss you more when DB asked what happened to us. Idk what to say. I only smiled and say, "same old shit happened." He don't get it, neither do I. Maybe that same old shit refers to people leaving? Hah, idk. Okay why the fuck did I drag things here. Urgh. ): I miss you, miss going out with you, miss punching you, miss talking craps with you, miss laughing at your lame jokes, miss walking to that bus stop with you. ): I miss everything. The story of us, looks a lot like a tradegy now. Sad isn't it? Hais, already the 10th day. ): Maybe I should stop waiting. You're never gonna talk to me again. ): Give up sp, give up. Stop waiting for something that is no longer there. Stop waiting for something that wouldn't come back anymore..

It's already the 5th day...and we're still not talking. It felt like as if 5 months have pass. Things changes. We don't talk and hangout anymore. You changed, to a person you said you'd never be. You lied. You broke all the promises. How could you do this? :( Remember that night? You promised to bring me out everyday after your exams. But I doubt its gonna happen uh. You promised to teach me how to play ball. You promised you would watch that movie with me. I doubt all this is gonna happen uh. Have I done anything wrong? Is it you, or does the problems lies with me? :( I don't want what to do anymore, except wishing for you to remember, that you actually promised to do alot of things with me. :( I miss talking to you. I tried starting a conversation. I opened my whatsapp, opened our conversation and wrote something. But after umpteen times of reconsideration, I erased everything and closed my whatsapp. I really wanna talk to you, but at the same time, I really don't wanna bother you. :( You know, life sucks.

- I spend almost every moment of everyday wondering,

why am I not good enough for you.

I wish everything can go back to how it was before that night, that fight. I'm tired of being like this. Tired of struggling everyday. No one will ever understand how much it hurts, no one will. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm sick of acting like everything's fine. I'm losing my mind yet all I can do is keep quiet and continue smiling like nothing's wrong. /: I can't really describe how I'm feeling now. And this feeling sucks, seriously. I can't stand this kind of pain, and I can't make it go away. ):

Everyone thinks I'm a happy person and that I have everything under control. What they don't know is that I'm dying on the inside. And I don't have it all under control. I'm already on the verge of falling apart. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Tired of fighting the urge to cry, every single night. Sometimes I just feel like breaking down, and say I'm not okay. ): I sometimes feel like I'm on the verge of blowing up. All the problems, stress bubbling up, but I'm never able to let it out. Urgh, never mind. What for saying so much, right? Nobody will ever give a damn about it anyway.

- come back to me like you did before you say its not that easy,

before the fight, before I let you go.

What's happening to me? ): I just felt that everything changes when he left. Nope, not 8th. Someone else. My life just practically changed ever after since he left me for her. )': Life has never been the same anymore. I mean like, it changes, so much, so many, so alot. ): Hais.

I really really tried forgetting him. I keep telling myself that it's okay. I keep telling myself that I'm gonna be better without him. I keep telling myself that he doesn't matter, he's not worth it, I'm okay like this. But everything that happened just prove me wrong. Every single little thing just prove me wrong.

-So what if I still care?

Page 19 of 366.

Okay cool. 20th January tmrw! (: Bobby's birthday! :> Heheh, going for his bbq celebration tmrw at don'tknow what place! :D Bought a shirt for him. Khup with KaiYing they all. :> Okay, shall talk about today. Skipped training and went skcc to ball. Was a burden today. >< Went home with ShirleyLong @ 9 plus. Took 87 all the way to interchange, and thn take 87 back home cause I'm freaking lazy to climb the overhead bridge. Hehe. Okay lame. So many plan tmrw... But think all fail uh... ._. LOL. Don't feel like going for the bbq, but.... wanna go see SOMEBODY. Hehe. :b feel so weird today.. Not my usual self. Okay, whatever. Heh. Had a heart2heart talk with EdyLee yesterday!! :D Hehe. Talked about him~ Zzz. -____- Skipping school tmrw. YAY. Okaybye. :b the things I wrote like a no link.... ~ Haha. :D

I miss you , miss your text , miss your smiles , miss your voice , miss those days where we go for lunch and dinner together . And I miss you being in my life . >: Tell me why , why must all this shit happen to us ? We used to be so close , we used to be fine . I miss the past so much . Can you please come back ? )': Hais , you're changing so much . You changed to a person I totally don't know . I used to know you so well , so well . But now ? Hah . I can't even read your mind . I don't even know what you want to say when you smile . I can , in the past . Remember those days ? Hmm , I'm always wondering , why ? Why can't I forget you ? why can't I forget 3 and 8 ? But I just couldn't find the answer no matter what . This feeling suck so much . Do you know ? Doubt so uh . "Why are you still holding on ?" This is what everybody ask me . Actually , I don't know why too . I just don't want to accept the fact that you're gone . I just feel like trying and trying . I just keep on telling myself you'll be back . I just have to hold on and wait . But ..... I'm tired of waiting already . Hais . Why am I thinking this way ? I often say you're giving me false hope , I didn't notice that I'm giving myself false hope too . So dumb , so stupid . Hais , when can I ever overcome 3rd and 8th ? When can I really move on ? When can all this shit stop ? When can everything come to an end ? I'm tired of facing all this alone . I'm tired of all these . Can all this end right now ? Or maybe after a nap ? When am I ever gonna wake up from this nightmare ?

-Forget how close you once were,

remember he has chosen her.

It's another closer to 8th. I miss you, and I miss us. 8 used to be my favorite number, until you left me all alone.. I didn't know that 3 and 8 can leave such a huge impact in my life. It's like so ridiculous. I never knew you could leave such a huge impact too. ): I really wanna ask you, why did you leave me. ): Is it because I'm not good enough? Not smart enough? Not pretty enough? Not cute enough? Not gentle enough? Hais, never mind. I was never good enough for anybody. Do you know how much it hurts when every month's 3rd and 8th is here? I always cry and wish for you to be back by my side. I don't know why. I knew I could live without you, but....I don't want to, I guess.? I don't know why am I so fucking stupid. I knew you wouldn't come back and yet I'm staying put at the same place, hoping you'll be back someday. Hoping that you'll change your mind. I'm fucking retarded. Hais.. I'm tired already. I really really feel like giving up already. I'm losing every will to fight for you to come back.. I just suddenly...couldn't find anymore reasons to hold on. I'm tired of living my life in this way. I'm tired of waiting, waiting for you to be back. If I really have to continue living life like this, thn I guess I'm better off dead. If I am really given a chance, I'll be a better one. I swear.

-Nobody have the ability to wait on and on,

cause even superman gets tired.

- I'm sorry for being so weak .

Told him how I really feel all along. I still haven't give up on us my dear. I'm sorry. I know you don't like it when I cry, but I really don't know what to do, except crying. You asked me why am I sad and upset during kaiying's birthday party. Tell you what, I finally found out the reason. Hah. What a joke. I'm happy that you cared. Thanks for all those concern you gave. Been so long since you last asked about me. But, don't give me false hope anymore please.