794th .

794th day... i guess im done with all the missing and cryings. 27 months. 27 months wasted on a heartless guy. how stupid can i get? ahah. i hope this feeling die off, really. im so sick of waiting and waiting, knowing you will never come back. ugh. it's just so fruastrating.

"its a constant battle. a war between forgetting and remembering."

yes yes, it is. i constantly fight this battle every night in my head. almost every night i lie in my bed wondering whether to hold on or let go. some days i told myself to let it go, some days i remind myself of how i'll probably fail. and thn i keep on thinking and thinking, thn comes the flashback, followed by the tears and heartache. but yknow, this slowly became a daily routine and you get used to it unknowingly. so you slowly get immuned to the pain and slowly it wouldnt hurt so much but it still kills you inside out when you think about these.

broken .

Remember that day when i said you have to make your decision? Remember when you said "okay"? That okay that broke us a part? Well, i wasn't expecting you to stay, but i held on to every last bit of hope. Remember how i begged you to stay? Remember the valentines, two years ago? Remember how perfect the past was? Hah, fuck it..

I miss you, a lot. It's the 790th day you left and im still stupidly stuck here. i hate how i can't move on. i hate how i always tell myself that you'll be back someday, fighting for me. i knew this wouldn't happen but yeah.... hah stupid, right?

"and the sad thing is, the boys move on faster"

yeap, i totally agreed. might not always be guys that move on faster but it happens to me all the time. i hate how everyone are able to move on faster than me. i mean, don't i mean anyt to them? why? why isit so easy for them? don't they feel the pain? ugh its so annoying when you see your ex boyf/girlf texting another girl/boy and going out with another person. :( ugh fuck.