-So what if I still care?

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Okay cool. 20th January tmrw! (: Bobby's birthday! :> Heheh, going for his bbq celebration tmrw at don'tknow what place! :D Bought a shirt for him. Khup with KaiYing they all. :> Okay, shall talk about today. Skipped training and went skcc to ball. Was a burden today. >< Went home with ShirleyLong @ 9 plus. Took 87 all the way to interchange, and thn take 87 back home cause I'm freaking lazy to climb the overhead bridge. Hehe. Okay lame. So many plan tmrw... But think all fail uh... ._. LOL. Don't feel like going for the bbq, but.... wanna go see SOMEBODY. Hehe. :b feel so weird today.. Not my usual self. Okay, whatever. Heh. Had a heart2heart talk with EdyLee yesterday!! :D Hehe. Talked about him~ Zzz. -____- Skipping school tmrw. YAY. Okaybye. :b the things I wrote like a no link.... ~ Haha. :D

I miss you , miss your text , miss your smiles , miss your voice , miss those days where we go for lunch and dinner together . And I miss you being in my life . >: Tell me why , why must all this shit happen to us ? We used to be so close , we used to be fine . I miss the past so much . Can you please come back ? )': Hais , you're changing so much . You changed to a person I totally don't know . I used to know you so well , so well . But now ? Hah . I can't even read your mind . I don't even know what you want to say when you smile . I can , in the past . Remember those days ? Hmm , I'm always wondering , why ? Why can't I forget you ? why can't I forget 3 and 8 ? But I just couldn't find the answer no matter what . This feeling suck so much . Do you know ? Doubt so uh . "Why are you still holding on ?" This is what everybody ask me . Actually , I don't know why too . I just don't want to accept the fact that you're gone . I just feel like trying and trying . I just keep on telling myself you'll be back . I just have to hold on and wait . But ..... I'm tired of waiting already . Hais . Why am I thinking this way ? I often say you're giving me false hope , I didn't notice that I'm giving myself false hope too . So dumb , so stupid . Hais , when can I ever overcome 3rd and 8th ? When can I really move on ? When can all this shit stop ? When can everything come to an end ? I'm tired of facing all this alone . I'm tired of all these . Can all this end right now ? Or maybe after a nap ? When am I ever gonna wake up from this nightmare ?

-Forget how close you once were,

remember he has chosen her.

It's another closer to 8th. I miss you, and I miss us. 8 used to be my favorite number, until you left me all alone.. I didn't know that 3 and 8 can leave such a huge impact in my life. It's like so ridiculous. I never knew you could leave such a huge impact too. ): I really wanna ask you, why did you leave me. ): Is it because I'm not good enough? Not smart enough? Not pretty enough? Not cute enough? Not gentle enough? Hais, never mind. I was never good enough for anybody. Do you know how much it hurts when every month's 3rd and 8th is here? I always cry and wish for you to be back by my side. I don't know why. I knew I could live without you, but....I don't want to, I guess.? I don't know why am I so fucking stupid. I knew you wouldn't come back and yet I'm staying put at the same place, hoping you'll be back someday. Hoping that you'll change your mind. I'm fucking retarded. Hais.. I'm tired already. I really really feel like giving up already. I'm losing every will to fight for you to come back.. I just suddenly...couldn't find anymore reasons to hold on. I'm tired of living my life in this way. I'm tired of waiting, waiting for you to be back. If I really have to continue living life like this, thn I guess I'm better off dead. If I am really given a chance, I'll be a better one. I swear.

-Nobody have the ability to wait on and on,

cause even superman gets tired.

- I'm sorry for being so weak .

Told him how I really feel all along. I still haven't give up on us my dear. I'm sorry. I know you don't like it when I cry, but I really don't know what to do, except crying. You asked me why am I sad and upset during kaiying's birthday party. Tell you what, I finally found out the reason. Hah. What a joke. I'm happy that you cared. Thanks for all those concern you gave. Been so long since you last asked about me. But, don't give me false hope anymore please.